i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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