We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
