sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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