She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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