I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
