You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize