things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
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We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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