Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
