you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
