sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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