you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
