bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
