The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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