at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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