You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
True college students do jello shots in the library
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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