Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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