I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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