Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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