Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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