So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
