i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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