Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
