had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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