Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
