I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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