just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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