her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
