There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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