It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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