guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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