mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
