My Higher Power is John Stamos
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
