physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
