It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
