people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
