At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
