I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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