Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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