I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
