I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
