You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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