i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
