I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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