ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
