I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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