no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
