It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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