You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
