DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
True strength comes from lack of pants
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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