Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
