I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
