It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
