Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
