Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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